What is domestic abuse and how can I get support?
Women’s Aid defines domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence. In most cases, it is by a partner or ex-partner but could also be by a family member or carer. It is very common.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. However, statistics show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women.
Domestic abuse is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it.
Domestic abuse is a crime.
Stay safe online
If you need to close this website quickly, click the Quick Exit buttons in this article. This will open up the Google homepage, but it won’t hide the fact that you’ve been on our website. To do that you would need to delete your computer’s browsing history.
The Woman’s Trust has more information about browsing safely online.
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is not always physical violence. It can also include, but is not limited to:
- coercive control and ‘gaslighting’ (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
- financial or economic abuse
- online or digital abuse
- verbal abuse
- emotional and/or psychological abuse
- physical or sexual abuse
- harassment or stalking
Signs of domestic abuse
Has someone close to you:
- threatened or humiliated you, maybe in front of others
- damaged your belongings or property
- controlled what you do
- controlled how you use, or have access to, money
- followed or visited you without your permission
- been putting you down constantly, criticising you
- blamed their culture, religion or personal problems as an excuse for their behaviour towards you
- pushed, bullied, slapped, kicked, punched or seriously hurt you
- forced you to have sex when you don't want to
- forced you to make decisions you don't agree with (personal, physical, financial, legal or maybe about a family member)
- threatened you or made you fear for your safety
Women’s Aid has an online questionnaire, which might help you to recognise if you are in an abusive relationship.
What to do if you're in immediate danger
If you or someone you know are in danger you should phone 999 and ask for the police.
If you are unable to talk on the phone, dial 999, listen to the questions from the operator and respond by coughing or tapping the handset if you can. Then follow the instructions depending on whether you are calling from a mobile or a landline.
If you call from a mobile
If prompted, press 55 to Make Yourself Heard - this will transfer your call to the police. Pressing 55 only works on mobiles and does not allow police to track your location.
If you call 999 from a landline
If only background noise can be heard and operators cannot decide whether an emergency service is needed, then you will be connected to a police call handler. If you replace the handset, the landline may remain connected for 45 seconds in case you pick up again. When 999 calls are made from landlines, information about your location should be automatically available to the call handlers to help respond.
Organisations and charities that can support you
Refuge - National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Refuge runs the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, which you can call for free, and in confidence, 24 hours a day. Its website provides guidance and support for people affected by domestic abuse, as well as those who are worried about friends and loved in ones. It also has a form you can use to book a safe time for a call from them.
0808 2000 247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Contact-us
In Hertfordshire
Herts Sunflower is a Hertfordshire based organisation that can offer help and advice.
08 088 088 088 (Mon-Fri: 9am–9pm, Sat-Sun: 9am–4pm)
kim@mailpurple.org confidentially anytime
Women's Aid
Women's Aid works with women and children to end abuse. If you're experiencing domestic abuse, you can chat to them using their instant messaging service, email one of their support workers, speak with other women in their forum of survivors, or get help and advice from their survivor's handbook.
Woman's Trust
Woman’s Trust is a specialist mental health charity, providing free counseling and therapy for women who have experienced domestic abuse.
Man Kind
Man Kind support men suffering from domestic abuse from their current or former partner (including same-sex partners). Their confidential helpline is available weekdays 10 am - 4 pm.
01823 334244
Galop
Galop provides Hate Crime, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence support services to LGBTQ+ victims and survivors by telephone, text and WhatsApp. Their helpline is available 10 am - 5 pm Monday to Friday and until 8pm on Wednesday and Thursday.
0800 999 5428
Imkaan
Imkaan is a UK based, Black feminist organisation addressing violence against Black and minority women and girls. Their website has a list of specialist organistations by and for BME women.
https://www.imkaan.org.uk/get-help
Southall Black Sisters
Southall Black Sisters offer specialist support, advocacy and information to Asian and Afro-Caribbean women suffering abuse.
https://southallblacksisters.org.uk/
Karma Nirvana
Karma Nirvana supports victims of honour-based abuse and forced marriage. Their helpline is open 9 am - 5 pm, Monday to Friday.
0800 5999 247
LAWA
Latin America Women's Aid runs the only two refuges in Europe by and for Latin American women and children fleeing gender-based violence. They offer advice in Spanish, Portuguese and English.
0753 442 4826 (Spanish and English) - 9.30 am - 5.30 pm
0746 200 3324 (Portuguese and English) - 9.30 am - 1 pm
SignHealth
SignHealth provides domestic abuse service support for deaf people in British Sign Language (BSL).
020 3947 2601 (call)
07970 350366 (text, WhatsApp or Facetime)
https://signhealth.org.uk/with-deaf-people/domestic-abuse/
Stay Safe East
Stay Safe East provides specialist and holistic advocacy and support to disabled victims and survivors of abuse. Their helpline is open 10 am - 5 pm, Monday to Thursday.
0208 519 7241
07587 134122 (text)
